Tag Archives: TastyTrixie

Positives In My Life’s Drama

Current Mood:Reflective emoticon Reflective

You know in all the negative emotional freak out, the positive does get over shadowed. Even when I comment on it, the freak out on that post may be totally overwhelming that it is not seen.

Every time we think one is ok, the other’s emotions goes nuts. It is kind of both eerie and oddly reassuring that TastyTrixie and I are feeling the same way…usually at different times, kind of like a see-saw. It helps us relate and to be there for each other. Which is something that I really do appreciate.

Due to this, I wanted to point out the positives in this drama we’ve created in our lives. And maybe that will help me to get through it when it hits.

I’ve never taken my husband for granted, his love or the enjoyment we get from each other physically. But sometimes every day life makes you forgot to stop and appreciate it.

With all this happening, how I see his love for me is sharpened….more obvious. I know we’ve had some crappy miscommunication and arguments (as most couples), but on a different new level, we are getting more in synced. We are talking even more deeply then we have before.

Now physically, this is multisided….my increased horniness. For one, how much it increased has been kind of freaky and unsettling, especially to him.

Part of the increase started out had to do with feeling as if I was “competing”. So it started out on bad note, but since then, my horniness has more to do more positive different factors.

Now I notice him more physically, making sure to let him know what he does to me, how much he means to me. I’ve always done that to a point, but not as an everyday thing.

This is actually something that normally happens after we swing, because no matter who we are with and how much we enjoy them, it makes us enjoy each other more since we know each other so well. And honestly, we think it is hot when the other is fucking someone else…so we get turned on to the fact that we did that.

Now I have sex on my mind more then it used to. Everyday life normally gets in the way and tires you down from that. With TastyTrixie‘s sensuality influence, it has brought it back upfront. In some ways I’m rediscovering parts of myself that have been overwhelmed by the stress of everyday living thanks to her. Rediscovering my sensuality and needs that I’ve been too worn out to listen to.

This started out on the more negative note of the “competition” feel. But now it more like, if she enjoys it, maybe I will also trials.

This may not be much to you, but normally after sex I’m like the clean queen. I want to clean up. When it comes to cum, I do not like it sitting on my skin because I get red and rashy…and do NOT get it in my hair…it is a major bitch to get it out (so that part isn’t going to change). And I make sure I clean my pussy of cum as much as possible. Now, I get a good portion of it, but then let myself enjoy the rest of the wet, slutty feeling in my pussy, as it drips on to my thighs.

The irony is as I write this, I’m feeling his cum dripping out of me from the hard fuck he gave me 20min earlier…..grin

I’ve always enjoyed being with women, but due to her, I discovered a deeper enjoyment of another woman sexually then I’ve ever had. Right now, we have way too much other things that we need to work out with our emotions on sharing hubby. But I will not lie, that if we got to the point of having one-on-one with her, I would take it. Probably be nervous as hell, but I wouldn’t turn it down. She still invades my sexual thoughts and they don’t always include him….which for me, has never happened before.

I’m now posting more pictures and blogging more because of all this. I would like to think that is a good thing….even with the emotional melt downs…lol =)

And with all the drama of emotions, I’ve always turned to my best friend of 24yrs, but even more so now. I’ve never taken her for granted, but her listening and just letting me get it out, when she is not even able to relate to it, as made me appreciate her even more. I really treasure her and her love.

Due TastyTrixie‘s presence in my life, my appreciation for what I have has really been heighten. In life, that is a good thing and I believe that leads to better self realization and growth.

Nice Way To Wake Up

Current Mood:Alarmed emoticon Alarmed

Thoroughly woke up in the best way….my pussy had been getting wet for hours. I could’ve gotten out of bed hours early, but loved snuggling with hubby, waiting and hoping for that beautifully hard morning wood. In the end I couldn’t wait for him to make his move, I put my hand on hubby’s quickly hardening cock….It look and felt so hard that it looked almost painful….I just had to have a taste of it this morning.

When I climbed on top of him…that sound of pleasure he made when he slide in to my very wet and waiting pussy…it was so fucking hot. I just thoroughly enjoyed riding him, working his cock and feeling like such a slut for wanting his cock even more.

Felt so fucking good…..I had just finger fucked myself to cumming the night before thinking of it…..mmm

Finally been able to start reading “The Ethical Slut” Kind of cool that some of my guesses for working things out are reenforced. =) Tells me that I’m on the right track.

Like needing to know your partner’s lover, getting any and all small real/imagined issues out for emotional validation, need to start to ask for reassurance and support, instead of expecting them to read what you need and then end up resenting them when they don’t, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION……addressing jealousy and insecurity I haven’t gotten to yet….almost jumped to it, but there is a reason they wrote the book the way they did. So I’m sticking with that.

I may be having my first test tomorrow evening. I’m both dreading it (afraid of the negative feelings overwhelming me) and looking forward to as test for myself. Even if there is small reduction in my crazy, I’m going to be so damn happy. But I’m feeling pretty good about it right now, now fingers cross, I keep feeling that way….grin

I’ll be reading my notes of encouragement that I’ve gotten from Trixie and my past notes of love from hubby. Also going to get more reading in on the book tonight, so hopefully that will be helpful.

I do like that between what I’ve been reading and with Trixie’s validating my feelings that I don’t feel alone or crazy. And that is big step in the right direction.

And I feel like I’ve been useful between the 2 of them this week. I like being able to do that…I’m sucker for helping…lol

Comments

I just found out thorough TastyTrixie that my comment link is not showing up on here….I did not know that. I do moderate my comments, but I’ve always welcomed them.

I’m currently trying to figure out how to fix the issue.

Awkward…but potential for more..

Current Mood:Chilling emoticon Chilling & Reflective emoticon Reflective

TastyTrixie came over with a few things to drop off. We thought she was on her way to Seattle and didn’t think that is was out of her way. Feel bad that that it ended up being a special trip and not on the way. But since I had made brownies and made sure her and Delia were going to have some….I make them as fudgy as possible….grin…she came out.

I feel bad for the miscommunication. I wasn’t sure if anything was going to happen because she is allergic to cats. I thought I had it figured out for the best spot (desk area…didn’t think of the cat tree and stuff…doh!) if anything happened, but hubby made some some good points. The best spot should’ve been taking the bed down to it’s sheets since the cats don’t go there. So I feel bad about that and I hope she doesn’t suffer too much from it.

But I at least wanted to kiss her. ToRn wasn’t really expecting anything, so he wasn’t prepared and he was really concerned about her allergies, he really gave it more thought then me….so I feel bad. But I really did enjoy that I got to kiss her like I’ve been thinking about and got a taste of her sweet pussy that was throughly fucked by her wife (would totally love to dive in for much longer time, it tasted so good and looked so sweet), see her nice ass that has also been popping in my head. I really wanted more but none of us was really prepared.

I do have to admit, when I learned that she was going to be stopping by, I got excited..it was kind of weird, not use to that..grin. All sorts of images ended up in my head, my pussy got excited for lack of a better word….which was the reason for me not sleeping very well last night. The images was overwhelming, didn’t know if I had the guts to start anything or if anyone would want to do anything, but I spent most of the night not being able to sleep due to it and my pussy was wet most of the night.

Ideally, if we were all prepared, I would’ve loved to have a lot more taste of her pussy and then have hubby bend her over and fuck her good, hard and fill her with his load…I would’ve loved to have had a hand on her pussy when he came and then be able to feel the cum dripping out of her as I rubbed it into her.

It is like on one hand, I want to be bossy but at the same time I want to make sure that everyone is on the same page and is ok with it, it is a high wire act….not sure if I’m very good at it sometimes. I want to be respectful and not too pushy

Tonight felt like kind of tease of what can happen potentially, even if awkwardly…..at least in my desire filled mind.

For a little while, I was totally naked and everyone was clothed, like I told her that this is not the first time and won’t be the last. I actually remember many of parties where I was the only one naked and I’ll be buzzed talking history. The guys would be amazed that I would be totally unclothed yet talking history and sociology while drinking…..lol

I really don’t have an issue with being naked, never have. Just the way I was raised, mom and my grandma made it feel natural, so if I’m comfortable with the people or my surroundings, I don’t think nothing of it.

She brought over a very interesting book called the “The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures” With a very sweet note in there from her and her wife. Something that definitely applies to this.

Now I admit, I’m naturally nosey….I just am. Use to be that when hubby and her messaged each other my nosiness would drive me nuts. I try really, really hard to respect everyones privacy to being able to have a private conversation. I know I have access to everything, but that isn’t right. Everyone deserves privacy. But I THINK I’m doing better, because I’m just having my normal nosiness, more like I’d like to know, but not a big deal….that is progress and I’ll take it. =)

Self-Examination and TastyTrixie

Current Mood:Alarmed emoticon Alarmed

Been focused on work, got a lot done yesterday. Did pretty good today, I REALLY need to focus on our stuff…..I’m so behind on our things….but I’m getting better on focusing.

I will admit, I’ve been distracted….my illogical emotions of insecurity have totally made it harder. I so hope to get a handle on it.

TastyTrixie has been a complete sweetheart on words of encouragement and measurement. I’ve copied what she wrote and put it on my ipad so I can try and use it when my emotions are being stupid. You have no idea how much I want this to work and get over it.

I love that hubby has someone that he can talk to (I smiled when I was watching that on housecams), relate to, have sex with someone different…and someone I like and admire….I’ve never seen her call herself this, but she is feminist, we all come in different types for those who are clueless. =) Because that is one that we have learned with swinging…..no matter how many people we fuck and how much we enjoy the difference, it totally makes us enjoy and appreciate each other more, since we know each other so well.

And I think what I need to try and do is change how my brain is seeing things. She is not “competition” , she never has been…it is my emotions that make it. I need get my emotions to see that in different ways she is complimentary to me. Because logically she is….different enough from me, yet has the body type that hubby totally loves. Which totally reflects on how much he enjoys and loves me, because it is similar to mine….just in small version….grin And he loves smart women, feminist women and she is…like me. Just a different type, which is exciting to him.

I know I also want to this to totally work out for me, him and her, because I am attracted to her. I can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it because she is smaller version of me, I’ve always loved curves…soft breasts…would so totally love to see hubby titty fuck her and shot his load into her face as I help hold her tits and maybe play with her pussy…maybe bury my face into her pussy after she is wearing his load…so many choices….

She is great kisser, hubby totally agreed with me….lol I’m not normally that “demanding” with others (hubby and I switch off), I don’t know if was the smoke and drink, but I was demanding with her and she enjoyed it and it made it so fucking hot. I may not see her way of seeing things….I’m not that artsy, but I love how she claims hers sexuality and passions….and maybe that is part of the attraction…allows me to unleash.

Yes, I know they need their time together, I can’t be involved all the time. And hubby and I need breaks from each other…no other couple spends so much time with each other.

I know I’ve said this before, but it is because I’m so amazed by it, that the thought of one-on-one with her sexual sounds so fucking hot. Seriously, no other woman or man has made me feel like that….that is why I keep saying that….you have no idea how much that stuns me….I know, I know….broken record. I’m not even sure if she would want that….I just know that it has been in my head.

It has gotten into my head….I woke up with my finger in a very dripping swollen pussy this morning and don’t remember doing it. I just know that I had images of kissing her, pulling her tit out of her bra under her shirt, sliding a finger into her pussy, just making her look so hot and slutty…them sending me a pic of her pussy loaded with his cum, dripping down her soft thigh…..sucking her pussy juice off of his cock and then helping guide his cock back into her like she did for me, and images of what I would like to do to him separately in my head before that….but mostly of her.

**Just got totally fucked good, my pussy is so swollen, sensitive, but still throbbing…I could use more. When we fucked, we talked about her and the images that I’ve had that has made my pussy throb the last two days and they really involved her….makes me wonder if part of the stupid “competition” feeling my emotions have is her unbridled sexuality. I’m somewhat unbridled, but I don’t claim mine like she does. It is a full throated claim she makes on her…so maybe it makes me feel inadequate and that is where it is coming from?

Maybe that is what is making me so horny…..where I’m wanting to come more loose with it and also feeling like a”competition”?

As we fucked, I told him the images I have about her (which of course, totally got him going….he would totally love the women he enjoyed, admire and love get into each other…..grin), he is like why don’t you do something about it.

For those who don’t know, I’m actually pretty bashful starting out. I like to make sure that I’m not going to offend…I’m very conscious of that. Once I’m at ease, I can let lose. He is like….ggeezz….so lame, if you are trading twitter messages about how you are both in each others head….yes, I know I’m dorky on things like this….lol But then maybe that night I had with them was so mind blowing, I don’t know if it can even come close? But then, maybe that is just a chicken excuse not to try……I’m so lame sometimes. =(

I seriously had the impulse to go over there yesterday just to start kissing and go down on her, wanting both of her soft lips……but my work and knowing that she had to get work done and most importantly, my bashfulness got in the way.

I’m just hoping that I’m making progress on my crazy, I hate having it rule my life…..I prefer to be more logical. =) Well….except for sex…I just like to have fun with that…..grin That is partly why I keep up the self examination, no promise that the crazy is over, but I like to think I’m making progress.

Just a tease from this morning….I can’t seem to get enough……fucked myself hard in the shower last night thinking of her….I came really hard.

Woke up with my finger in this dripping throbbing pussy while thinking of hubby's gf TastyTrixie, no idea of when I did it

Woke up with my finger in this dripping throbbing pussy while thinking of hubby’s gf TastyTrixie

Clarifying & Hot Images

Current Mood:Flirtatious emoticon Flirtatious & Working emoticon Working

I know that my posting here have been nuts and stress….it is my way of venting.

But I do want to make it clear that what is stressing me is my own unexpected personal emotions. Neither my husband or TastyTrixie have given me any cause for it.

Hubby loves me beyond a doubt and makes sure to let me know how much I mean to him. Trixie has been totally understanding and helps to validate my feelings even if they are illogical. I feel so bad the drama I’ve added to her life.

In fact I have a lot respect for how TastyTrixie and her wife Delia on how they have keep up their passion and creativity for making porn. We are so nonartsy that it is cool to see.

In some ways TastyTrixie and I are similar, we are the same body type, she is just 1/3 of my size and hubby loves our curves. We are both impulsive at the wrong time and read things wrong when that happens….boy, I can so relate to that. And in others, she is like hubby…..and then so not like us….it is a mixture.

And I have an attraction for her now that I’ve never had with another woman. Yes, I’ve enjoyed other women….but not like this,

I’ve never wanted one-on-one with another woman without my husband before. And that does play in my mind. I have had a hot quick fanasty I would like to do to her if she came and picked him….kind of getting her pussy ready for his cock later….the tease of it….her wearing a skirt for it would totally do it. (It would have to be very quick….she is allergy to cats…=( )

Hell, maybe having that type of one-on-one would help with my crazy….who the hell knows anymore? I sure don’t…..

I just know that I’m writing this fast, so I can get back to work and my pussy is enjoying the thoughts that keep going between of the possibilities with her and what I’ve been wanting to do with my husband.

Not As Peaceful

Current Mood:Annoyed emoticon Annoyed

I thought I was more at peace…..but I’m not, better then I was, I give it that. I’m working so hard at suppressing the crazy, because it makes things harder then it should be. I keep telling myself, just give yourself time….but I’m so sick and tired of feeling this way. I just want it over one way or another.

Writing it out helps….since I know everyone is talked out and tired of it. Plus, I don’t think he is reading here, so it gives him a break from my emotions and he doesn’t get it anyway, so why would he want to read more of it? Or when he leaves I scream out my frustration (helps that no one is around so I can do that) so it isn’t coming out on anyone…..well, besides the cats that look at me as if I’ve lost my fricking mind.

It would be so much fucking easier if it was just a fuck partner, but it is not. And it is pure hell on me, didn’t expect any of this, and I don’t think he really has any idea how hard this is for me. Then I feel bad, because I make everyone else’s lives more complicated then they need to be….including my own with this torture.

I expected him to share parts of himself with her, but not to the extend that he did. It is completely his decision and I’m glad he feels safe, but it took something from me….selfishly….. Be careful of what you wish for, you just may get it and it is not how you expected it.

I think it is disconcerting that how he can focus on her and have so much interest in her life that it makes me feel like the 3rd wheel. As soon as he has plans to see her it like I’m not even in his mind….but at the same time, what he is suppose to do? His attention to her seems unnatural, but she is someone new to talk to and learn about and I know that is just my insecurities…..and I know that, that is what screwy….what I know logically doesn’t fit emotionally.

I know we need break from each other at times.…we spend 90% of our time together. The thought of spending time apart is good…..and I personally enjoy our breaks, just not like this. When it was just a fuck partner, I just got things done and enjoyed….but this is someone that he LOVES….not just fucks….HUGE difference.

I really think I need to find someone, because I’m tired of feeling left out and shitty. But then I HATE dealing with people like that. So much work with a rare chance of it paying off.

At least they left the housecams on this time and I have connection…..that actually does helps, I feel better already….twisted I know.

**Update….well that bites, I get busy for a few minutes and the cams are off. =(

Brain is Overwhelmed

Current Mood:Reflective emoticon Reflective

I’m not sure where to even begin…..This week had it’s ups and downs

My brain feels like mush and overwhelmed….in fact I’m losing track of everything.

I think I’m getting a handle on things…..well, I like to think and hope I am….lol I’m truly tired of it, as everyone else is.

I do feel really bad for making things more complicated then they need to be and have apologized for it. I’m lucky that nearly everyone understands and helps validates my feelings. So I just keep examining myself so I can bring everything to the light and cleansed.

I had a really good conversation today that I know will help, I just hope it helps a lot. But I do feel a bit different from the last few times. A little more at peace, I think…..not sure or I’m just lying to myself……but I did feel more at peace on the way home today.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this part is about over with and everyone’s lives get more peaceful. We’ll see….

New Developments

Hating my body right now…been hurting and irritable.

Holy cow!!! Just had the worst cramp I’ve had a very long time while in the shower. I about went down. I don’t remember the last time I felt so bad.

My poor husband doesn’t like drama…grew up with it, he creates it, but has worked hard to cut it out of our lives….is now involved with more drama then he never expected. In this he sees everything logical and no different then our normal swinging…..well, it is not. Relationships are messy, illogical, and irrational. And he is is hearing it all from the 3 most important women in his life…….and it is usually the same thing…good thing he loves us.

A conversation has been started on establishing guidelines, boundaries…..I’m not sure what to call it. But, even if hubby doesn’t want to hear it, talking even more and more will help. He is so baffled by a lot of this…..but so am I, for different reasons.

Talked about reliving me of some of my responsibilities. I’m debating about him going to the store more instead of me. But I’m not sure about that…..don’t know if I’m that much of control freak or more the fact that he is so use to be getting certain items/brands that it will be frustrating to him to find it. I think it is more that I don’t like him being frustrated…..that is why I taken on so much. And I suck at asking for help, mainly because I never think about it.

Just got a very interesting invite for a group meeting later this week. Just to make sure it is workable here. But I really would like to go. Has stuff about helping to let things ago….which are that everyone could use help with it.

New Relationships

Current Mood:Chilling emoticon Chilling & Confused emoticon Confused & Contemplative emoticon Contemplative

Hit up a friend for venting about all the pressure I’ve been feeling with everything I need to do.

Got talking about our new relationship, which is very very different from swinging.

A lot of the stuff they confirmed they agree with my insights, for other things they are like that you may look into online info about poly relationships.

I did find these, not sure how this really applies but there are something that do:

http://www.morethantwo.com/polytips.html

Problem is, that it is so new, you don’t always know what you NEED….I am horrible at that.

Do ask for what you need.

It may seem obvious, but if you don’t ask for what you need, you can’t expect to get the things you need. If you have a need which you feel is not being met by your partner, say so. Don’t assume that your partner knows; don’t start with the idea that if your partner “really” loved you, your partner would just be able to tell without you saying anything; and don’t assume that if your partner really loved you, your partner would already know what you need.

Don’t wait for your partner to infer your needs. When you discover that your needs aren’t being met, talk to your partner about it!

Your needs are important, and even if you believe they are irrational, they are still a legitimate part of who you are. Of course, you can’t automatically assume that you will have all your needs met at all times by everyone around you, but it’s far easier for your partner to meet a need he knows about than a need he doesn’t…

Many don’t like this one. I’m one that has to get it out or I explode.

Don’t let problems sit

Addressing problems is never comfortable. Approaching a person who is behaving in a way that causes you pain or who isn’t meeting your needs carries emotional risk. Sometimes, it’s a lot more comfortable just to let small problems slide, at least until they become big problems.

This is true in any relationship, whether polyamorous or not. As tempting as it is to let things slide, though, the fact is that small problems or irritations can become magnified out of proportion when they aren’t addressed, and this is dangerous for any relationship.

Get in the habit of being open about problems–even small ones. Listen to yourself and to your emotions; learn to be aware when something is bothering you, and develop the tools to bring these things out into the open before they have a chance to grow.

This one is harder then realized, because some have no idea how their actions affect others

Do take responsibility for your actions

If there’s any rule that’s as absolute as the law of gravity, it’s the law of unintended consequence. Your actions do and always will have consequences, even if they were not what you intended; your life is shaped by the decisions you make and the things you do. And these decisions touch your partners, and your partners’ partners, sometimes in ways you didn’t anticipate.

I have met many people who seem to feel disempowered in their lives. This feeling of victimization saves them from having to take responsibility for their actions; but the downside is that it dramatically curtails their ability to take control of their own lives. It can also mean that they use what power they do have carelessly.

Taking responsibility for the consequences–even the unintended consequences–of your actions is sometimes unpleasant. Considering the effects of your decisions on the people around you is sometimes a lot of work. The upside to doing this work, though, is it empowers you, and lets you shape your life the way you want while still being compassionate and responsible to the people around you.

http://www.morethantwo.com/polymistakes.html

These I stumbled on, not sure if anyone else has :

Don’t try to separate yourself from your lover’s other relationships

This most often happens in situations where one partner is polyamorous by nature and the other is monogamous. A number of factors can cause you to try to distance yourself from your lover’s other lovers: Fear, jealousy, insecurity, and so on.

The reality of your lover’s other relationships is almost never as bad as the fear makes it out to be. Getting to know your lover’s other partners can go a long way to driving out that fear. The fact is, a person who is involved with someone who’s poly is also in a relationship with that person’s other partners–even if it’s not a romantic relationship.

If you see those other partners as competitors, it becomes easy to dehumanize them, and the impulse is to vilify and distrust them. This tends to cause a great deal of stress on your relationship with your lover; it also tends to cause you to go crazy.

Once you see your lover’s other partners as human beings, instead of as competitors, it eases any stress you may be experiencing. It also helps you to establish healthy, happy relationships with them.

If, that is, they want a healthy relationship with you. If they don’t, then it’s important to consider the next common poly mistake, which is: 

I’m not good at this, don’t know what to put my foot down on.

Don’t be afraid to put your foot down

This is one of the hardest lessons to learn.

Not everyone is a good person, and not everyone is perfect, and not everyone makes an ideal match for your lover. Often, we may want to do things that make our partner happy, even if we know better or if we have to sacrifice our own happiness to get there.

This usually works in the short run, and usually causes pain and grief in the long run. Listen to that little inner voice; it’s rarely wrong. If something bothers you, speak up about it. If you find something completely unacceptable, say so! Even if it’s irrational, your lover should at least be willing to listen to what you have to say about it.

I’m still deciding on this, not sure what anything is telling me:

Don’t ignore that little voice in your head

This is an easy mistake to make in any kind of relationship, not just a polyamorous relationship. Sometimes, your heart may tell you one thing even when your head tells you another; even if you can’t put your finger on any rational reason why, it’s often a good idea to listen to your heart when it suggests that something might be wrong.

Just because you can’t find a rational reason why something is wrong doesn’t necessarily mean everything is OK. A wise course of action is to start with the assumption that the little voice is trying to warn you about something you have not consciously become aware of, and to delve deeper into figuring out what that may be.

The little voice is not always right, of course, But don’t write it off just because it’s not rational.

Some folks don’t get this……lol :

Don’t expect human beings to be rational all the time

We are inherently irrational beings. This is a part of the nature of man. Irrational responses are a part and parcel of who we are as human beings, and these things can’t be addressed rationally.

You may find some of your partner’s behavior or emotional response to be irrational in any romantic situation. This is not necessarily bad; love is not rational. Nor is jealousy.

Remember that you are not always rational, either. Do not attack, browbeat, or berate your partner for behaving emotionally; do not expect that your partner will always act in accordance with reason and logic. It’s not going to happen.

If your partner is acting irrationally, you must still be compassionate and respectful–even if you disagree with things your partner says or does! Treat your partner’s feelings with respect and courtesy. Try to find out why your partner feels the way he or she feels. Often, there may be some underlying reason that is not obvious; if you want to address the feeling, it’s necessary first to find out where it comes from.

People often know that it’s important to be compassionate when faced with jealousy, but it’s important to remember that all of your partner’s feelings are important. Even positive feelings, such as love or new relationship energy, can cause your partner to behave irrationally. Try to understand what your partner is feeling, and why, when you address any problems this behavior may bring up.

Develop good communication and conflict resolution skills

This one is obvious, really, but it bears repeating. A relationship is not doomed until the people in it stop talking to each other and start breaking dishes instead.
Talk to your partner. Honestly. All the time. About everything.

I think I need to find a few boards…..

Crappy Feelings

Current Mood:Mad emoticon Mad

Getting ready to start my monthly, totally irritated with everyone and everything. Getting no relief.

Yesterday started with such promise and died horribly….

I had to call my best friend today, I needed to hear her voice. About broke down talking about all the pressure that I’m feeling on things that I need to do and are responsible for in my personal life….my to do lists never seem to end. Every time I think I’m at my max, I’m asked to give more and to hurry up….I feel like I’m going to explode. I feel like I’m in a beauty competition I never asked for.

I think that is why I’ve been trying to get a small buzz at night, just shut my fucking brain off….I’m so tired.

Sometimes wishing I would act on my own selfish wants, but that is not in my nature. And when I do, it explodes in my face. Makes me wish that I was more heartless, less caring sometimes….maybe things won’t bother me so much.

My best friend pointed out that I’m totally vulnerable to my emotions with my monthly coming up, with the holidays, even though I didn’t focus on it, I was totally missing my family. I hate not being able to spend part of the holidays with them and on my bday. And then I’m afraid of getting stuck on the outside and looking in on parts of my life.

Sometimes I don’t know if I even know myself or my mind. I’ve been feeling so scattered and lost. I have no idea if I’m coming or going. I hate feeling that way.

Totally feeling like I just want to breakdown and have a good cry, over what I have no idea but don’t even think I can have my cry.

I just want to say, FUCK THE WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT!

That is about sums it up.

~Added….only 2 bright stars today…my Colts and Saints won.

The Holidays

Wow…..holidays really have kept me busy. Where we are at most of the staff took off, so we have been covering.

My big 4-0 ended up on a Thursday….boring. And besides who wants to go out on the day after Xmas? icks

Had an ok day for my actual bday, I’ve had better…what was the biggest disappointment was that I was so looking forward to my actual day that I really did feel cheated for the 1st time. I try not to think about it too much and focus on the weekend we had.

The good thing is we already made plans for that weekend. We were heading over to our friend’s just north of Seattle, going out for Italian (I MUST have that on for my bday now a days).

First I need to get my hair done. I discovered when we were in the desert how bad it is for my hair, but I didn’t discover that until too late. I had switched to using baking soda & vinegar over a year ago and it has been working great. But I couldn’t achieve a balance there. Plus I knew the water was somewhat hard, but to me, after living in the midwest, hard water smells bad and turns blonde hair orange, well I didn’t have that.

I ended up losing more then 6 inches of my hair. My top layer and “bangs” broke off where the scrunchy went for my pony tail! So not happy. My “bangs” were down below my chin, now I actually have bangs…not cool. Due to that, I started using coconut oil 1-2 times a week for moisture.

I was thinking that it was the desert environment, but once we hit the road again and was at a rv park in UT, I could really feel the difference in my hair…then it hits me about the water. =(

Due to all this, I had to see a professional to get it even out. Now I’m lazy and cheap…I go to beauty schools when I get my hair done normally. I really was not looking forward to it, but it needed to be done.

Our friend has really long hair and so anyone that works her hair, she has to fully trust. I decided to use her stylist. I’m very glad I did. I really liked her and she was good. She wasn’t pushy on products and was very good at giving options and ideas. She said my hair was repaired enough for a color and since I was spending so much money and missed it, I went for it.

I lost another few inches of my hair, not happy about that, but knew that was going to happen, it was needed. But it finally balanced out and hubby was very happy to have his Big Red Wife back….grin

Hubby happy to have his Big Red Wife back.

Hubby happy to have his Big Red Wife back.

I did this before we went out, due to the horrible Seattle traffic, we pushed back our reservations, because damnit I’m 40 and I wanted to dress up and look good. And I sure did…..grin…not bad for a 40yr old.

Not bad for 40….lol

Not bad for 40….lol

We went to the place they took us to a few years ago. I was disappointed that they didn’t have chicken parm…..I LOVE that….what Italian place doesn’t have that?!? That was odd, BUT they did have chicken fettuccine alfredo….HOLY COW….that was totally awesome. I’m still blown away from it. Never had alfredo that was so thick and creamy.

It was a very good night, got my white wine buzz, good smoke and awesome friends (no way to fully express how happy and grateful we are for having them in our lives). We had a funny server. He took and gave us grief back.

A very light chocolate mousse.

A very light chocolate mousse.

Our friends even got me my favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream…..grin

The next day, I had errands, I wanted hubby to have time with his best friend and play catch up and then we were thinking of leaving. Well, didn’t happen. I did my errands, he got some time with her but no real deep conversation. At the end, me and her hubby were so tired, my hubby was wired, so I’m like we can go to bed and you can stay up and talk with her. They were planning on coming to bed like within a few hours….nope up until 5am. So that was cool. =)

Thought we could sneak out at 9am and let them sleep, but they got up and made an awesome breakfast before we hit the ferry back.

It gave us time to have some really deep and good conversation. I really do love that my hubby is my best friend and I’m his and that we can do that. I treasure those moments, no matter how painful the conversation is for us….just by showing the level of trust between us.

This is kind of odd when you think about it, I’m very much feminist, but he is really very much my world. No matter what, I want him to be happy and I want him to have a strong support system in case some thing happens to me, I have one if something happens to him through my family. We are actually both loners, so our circle of close friends is very small.

Which is why I want to work through my crazy emotions when it comes to him having a gf. Because on paper, this is most perfect setup…and she fits in. So I go through my nutty emotions because I want what is best for him. Fingers cross that I succeed…..I love him too much to want what is best for him not to try. Just got to get through it……you know, the hard part…..LOL…helps that she fully understands. =)

I think and hope that the hot and mind-blowing Monday I had with her helps. Never had a woman in head for so many days afterwards.

I’ve been horny, not sure if it is the gf thing or the fact that some of things we have done has left such imagery in my head that it drives me nuts or the fact that I’m due to start my monthly any day…..I’m always horny as hell the week before. Usually horny during, but no relief….gggrrr

We had a totally fucking awesome New Years Eve….wow…we normally (9 times out of 10) introduce the new year with sex….this year was totally mind blowing. You would think after 20yrs we’ve done what we could do each other…..but nope, found even more. No details, I’ll let your imagination go….but holy cow….thoughts of that has kept me wet when I’m not focused on work.

I’m totally reinforced how much I love my husband, because his reactions are what turn me on so much.

Found out half way through the evening that a friend was by their self and a little lonely. Felt bad, if we hadn’t been drinking, we totally would have been there for them….maybe invite them in on the fun, even just to have an audience. That would’ve been hot. Even though I’m two minds of that, the selfish side of me wants to save that for myself…..the other side is turned on with the thought of seeing them seeing what we can do to each other…..I know weird….never said I was normal.

Now we’ve been trying to catch up on sleep….so looking forward to sleeping in on weekend. Been so busy working, that we are taking time to go on a long hike tomorrow. Throughly looking forward to it because I’m going nuts and need to do something for myself.

I know, I know…that is what we did last weekend. But we have been playing catch up ever since, with laundry, house hold chores….work….it is has been so rush, rush and today a mind fuck…I really want a hike. We were thinking of getting one in today, but weather wasn’t too good. So looking forward to it….especially after seeing all the bald eagles today…I never get tired of those….so majestic….yes, after getting a crash course in birding in AZ, we are birders….lol Discovered that when we are taking the Jeep off road, scratching it up just to find a bird….crazy….grin

Haven’t taken any pics lately, but enjoying my toys in the bathroom when brushing my teeth….grin Totally think I got hubby turned on the coconut oil. I love how it makes my pussy feels….nice and moist and fucked. Totally happy that Trixie turned me on to that. =)

Wow….this is so freaking long. Going to load up a few pics and get this posted.

Half Naked, Throbbing Pussy

Current Mood:Chilling emoticon Chilling

Sitting here, pussy has been throbbing a lot of the last week and today is no different.

Still getting some of Monday’s images of very soft and real tits, feel of very soft lips all over, soft hair on my thighs as a small hand fists my waiting pussy, seeing lips on my husband’s cock as I tell her to keep it hard for me, his cock between her tits….. (Trixie just made a pretty hot post about it : http://www.tastytrixie.com/friends/monday-night/ )

I LOVE big real tits and hers were so sweet.

I LOVE big real tits and hers were so sweet.

But this morning, images from last night are in my head…..

Last night, I fucked ToRn in some of my favorite ways. I love how we switch off when we are fucking….sometimes he is making the demands and pushing my limits and then minute later I’m the demanding one, seeing how much he can take.

As the years have gone by with being ToRn and just getting older, once I get into, I’m not afraid to may desires and demands known. Sometimes surprised by it, but hugely turned on by it, especially when my demands are being meet.

It is so hot to go from being the used slut getting fucked, to the one demanding things to be done…the sexual power it is intoxicating.

I woke up so horny this morning, that I was rubbing my pussy against a pillow, trying not to wake ToRn up. I felt so slutty hearing his heavy sleep breathing and him not knowing that my pussy is throbbing so much that I had to slid a finger into it as I moved my hips my hand and pillow.

I was about to cum when he looked over his shoulder, as if one of our cats was making noise. Find out later that I was moving the bed more then I thought and he figures out what I was doing….lol

But at the time, I didn’t know that…..so I stopped and left a finger in my pussy. When ToRn got up, I took my new toy to my pussy under the covers as he went to brush his teeth. Stopped when he was done and when it was my turn to bush my teeth, I put on my panties, took my new toy with me and when I got in there, I slide it into my pussy and let the panties hold it in vibrating all the time.

Woke up with throbbing pussy, just got this new toy to test….

Woke up with throbbing pussy, just got this new toy to test….

Bushed my teeth and washed my face with it vibrating the whole time, feeling so slutty as it moved in me. When I finally focused on it…..it hit me so good.

It felt so good just to have something inside my wet pussy.

It felt so good just to have something inside my wet pussy.

I’ve been throbbing ever since.

ToRn has licked and teased my pussy, I’ve licked and sucked his cock….but we are holding off…drawing it out and it will worth the fucking I will be getting…

Life is getting really weird…..

Life has been crazy.

Yes, we are still living on the road, so that makes it interesting. And no house cams. When you are depending on hotspots, you don’t have the reliable connection or bandwidth for it.

We are now back in the NW after spending 6 months in AZ. Totally enjoyed our time there…got to see black bears, bobcats and all sorts of birds, ToRn even ran into a mountain lion….I’m so totally jealous.

But the last few weeks has been more nuts then usual for us.

ToRn has a girlfriend. We’ve known her and her wife on and off for years. Many of you may know them, Trixie of tastytrixie.com

This isn’t the normal fucking and sex, there is more to it. Which I didn’t feel the force of the difference until we are only 30 min from them at this time and they can see each other more regularly.

Well, this is a HUGE for me. I know where we all stand logically with each other, but my emotions….not good at all….especially when it is more then just sex. Now I love sharing ToRn sexually, but emotionally I’m the most possessive bitch around. =)

So I’ve been going nuts. I’d have my talks with him and with her, and what really helps is that she knew exactly where I’m coming from. Hubby, has never fully understood it….poor guy. But this is something I want to work through.

That is what our relationship is about, trust, enjoyment, openness and we are the number 1 in each other lives.

On top of it, my lidbo has been going nuts since we got back to the NW…not sure why….so I was having hard time sharing….because I wasn’t there, it was just them two.

Earlier this week she picked him up and I was going pick him up a few hours later. My plans for when I got there was to get there and chill out and get to know her better, more then just porn wise. By the time I got there I was so annoyed, I had ended up behind 2 cars that wasn’t even going speed limit and then when they told me to come in (while they were fucking), they forgot they locked the door….which is funny now, but I was so annoyed by the drive that it didn’t hit right.

Not the best of beginnings and not how I wanted it to go, I wanted this worked out for my emotions. She helped to break part of the tension.

I got my smoke, drank my wine and we all had a wild, mind blowing night.

Now we’ve had good threesomes before, ones we fully enjoyed, but nothing like this. I have no regrets, well….the only regret is if not able to repeat the level of emotion/enjoyment again.

The imagery from it is still with me. And I really don’t know what to make of it.

On one hand I’m hornier then I have been in long time, just with all the imagery and thoughts. Been using my toys 2-3 times a day.

I really hoping this helps me deal with all the new emotions and concerns that I’m totally not use to.

But on the other, I feel totally lost……I just don’t know what to make of any of it, it is scary. I just hope it all works out.