Tag Archives: Relationships

NFL & Domestic Violence

I’ve been mulling the Rice video and the NFL’s horrible response to it over the last week or so.

First, Domestic Violence is a SOCIETY issue…..not an NFL issue. NFL players are no more likely to beat their partners then the general population, it is actually less common. In fact, POLICE are the worst abusers of DV (power & the blue code of silence enables it) :

Police Have a Much Bigger Domestic Abuse Problem Than the NFL (Must Read)
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/?single_page=true

Yet, they get to keep their guns and that is how most women will die in a DV situation.

Second, I believe that Ray Rice needed to be punished, but I don’t believe in banning him where he can’t work. I don’t know if he is a serial abuser or if it was the first time something like this has happened, we won’t know. I believe he and his wife should be helped. Because when you punish him that extensively, you are punishing her.

The NFL has totally screwed up on how they have handled it in todays social media and videos, but if it happened a few years ago….they handled it like they have always handled it…look up the history for both college and NFL football programs and how DV abusers were handled. And like majority of society has handled it, the history as been to ignore it…..it is nothing new, as this article states :

“Violence is tolerated as long as the player performs well and the act doesn’t become a public embarrassment”
http://www.jconline.com/story/sports/nba/pacers/2014/09/12/domestic-violence-advocates-george-failed-realize-impact-domestic-abuse/15511281/

The NFL needs to educate their people and help them, you can’t just punish, you need both. They need to be given a chance until they blow it.

I use to volunteer at a Women’s Shelter in Indiana, did it for almost 10yrs. You learn that it isn’t as simple as “why doesn’t she leave”, you learn that it is more complex, you learn that it can effect anyone, no matter of race, gender, money or social standing. Some just hide it better then others. You think “I won’t put up with it” and then learn that it can be more gradual, more stealthy then an obvious hit.

Stories to help you understand :

#WhyIStayed Stories Reveal Why Domestic Violence Survivors Can’t ‘Just Leave’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/09/whyistayed-twitter-domestic-violence_n_5790320.html

‘Why Didn’t You Just Leave?’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

It takes an average of 7 times before a victim will leave their abusers and that is if they survive leaving them, some do not.

The emotional and mental abuse will do more damage in the long run then the physical, giving DV victims PTSD.

The pros out of this is that it may be finally shifting the conversation about DV, getting people to acknowledge it, fund the programs that need it, get help. With focusing on the NFL, a highly visible part of society, maybe it can set an example for country and perpetrators of DV that it isn’t acceptable and easily ignored like it use to be.

The cons is the focus is too much on the NFL overall, what about the Police and what about poor women and women of color (who experience DV at a higher then the general population)? Military spouses, made worst by PTSD and when I grew up on Army Posts, it was always worst on pay day due to the drinking.

I’ve seen former wives of high ranking military officers, women of high company executives and poor women a like come through the shelter. I’ve seen a little boy no more then the age of 6 yelling and screaming at his mom, calling her all sorts of names because that is what he grew up seeing. I’ve seen girls getting tied to their abuser in their teenage years and never being able to get out.

And yes, men can be and have been victims of DV, not just women.

This is complex society issue that needs to finally be addressed and not just swept aside as it has been in the past.

An Exit Action Plan For Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/leaving-an-abusive-relationship_n_5840504.html

How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/safety-after-leaving-abusive-relationship_n_5840826.html

Complicated

Oh, you’re not easy to love
You’re not easy to love, no
You’re not easy to love
You’re not easy to love, no

Why is everything with you so complicated
Why do you make it hard to love you
Oh I hate it
‘Cause if you really wanna be alone
I, will throw my hands up ‘Cause baby I tried
But everything with you is so complicated

-“Complicated” Rihanna

As I sing along to the playlist I had going the other day……

Hubby teasingly “Why you saying mean things about me?”

Me “I’m just singing along….besides I think this can apply to about 90% of relationship”

Hubby, laughing “I don’t have any other relationships….I’m just concerned with one”

Me….laughing….”well, you are complicated”

Dawns on me later, things are complicated as normal….but a lot less complicated then it was.  A lot more laughter, more of a team.

Just an offbeat moment.

Relationships & Reflections

While visiting our dear friend, talked about relationships and what they encompass.

For one all relationships, including our friends and my best friend’s, have some type of dysfunction. I haven’t seen a relationship that hasn’t, anyone that thinks theirs isn’t is lying to themselves and shouldn’t throw stones. But they are totally mistaken if that is what a relationship, especially ours, is based on. And have no place in lecturing others on theirs as if theirs is so perfect.

For many people, we just call it being quirky.

Some relationships have more dysfunction then others, ours has some….but it we have a good balance of love, respect and a lot of laughter that out weighs it all. We’ve learned to work through things and through the years, we changed and grown….people who truly and honestly know us, see it. Those who don’t, refuse to see it.

What works for one relationship, doesn’t work for others…it is that simple.

Part of being a couple, usually means two independent people becoming codependent. They complement each other with their strengths and their weaknesses. It is not a bad thing. What kind of couple are you if you are not somewhat codependent emotionally?

Hubby depends on me to manage our life, long term planning, and be there for him. I depend on him to help me when I’m feeling overwhelmed (he is really good at making me laugh to help on that), keep me focus and be there for me, makes me feel SAFE. That is what couples do, find the one that completes the other. We have a very good strength together, that we may not have as much if we weren’t.

To think that being told that you are codependent on your partner should be an insult, is an insult in itself and unbecoming.

Talked to my best friend, she is still enjoying the fact that her life is just filled with regular life stress and the mother-in-law and niece are gone. She is much happier, just now living in her car and she drives her kids back forth everywhere and errands.

But she is so tired of the snow, she is about to go stir crazy. She has never enjoyed winter and snow and she is much farther north then she use to be and with this winter, it has been much worst.

I remember when she moved to where she is years ago and she was miserable. All her family is in Indiana, but as the years have gone by she has really enjoyed being several hours away from them and all their drama.

When she was younger, she was a hell raiser and didn’t take any shit. I was the one always trying to get her to behave….lol…that is why her folks trusted her with me. I was the only one of her friends allowed to visit her when she was in group homes, because they figured I was a good influence on her. As she has gotten older, she picks her battles because she just doesn’t want the drama and crap. She doesn’t even answer all her family calls anymore.

Certain family members gives her crap about where is the old version of her, the hell raiser….then they start in on her, she takes the hits, takes the hits, just tries to ignore it and give it time to address it later, but they don’t quit. Then they call her bitch when she goes off. What the hell do they expect?!?

If you keep coming at someone, don’t give them a chance to absorb it, mull it over, address it when they are ready…. You deserve to be hit back. They aren’t going to listen to you anymore….they are going to tune you out and strike.

So it is ok for them to attack her continuously and then when she defends herself because she has had enough, she is in the wrong? That is so hypocritical. They always twist things as if they are innocent and they are far from it. It is all about her issues and never about theirs.

So it is ok for them to shut her out weeks on end and she does it for one week and they freak out? Something is wrong with that picture. If you dish it out, you sure should be able to take it.

With that kind of crap they throw at her, they totally talk themselves out of her life….she wants nothing to do with them. Especially when they disrespect her, her marriage, and her kids continuously. No one needs that.

With what I’ve seen over the last few years personally, I just do not understand those people. So much drama and spit. Happy to have a lot of that cut out of our lives, much of that started when we cut out some of family members out of our lives years ago….it was like a huge weight off of our shoulders.

Over time, we’ve cut out even more. Never understand when we seem to invite it back in, it is just not worth it. It hurts to cut people out of our lives, we miss the friendship, but in the end, we don’t regret it and are happier for it. Then we look back in hindsight and are like, how did we not see the signs, how did we not know how this will end? And if we saw it ending, how did we not see how immature it would end?

Walks and Focusing

I really can’t believe it is March….last year totally blew by and this one seems to be going by even faster…icks

I started my walker earlier, like I wanted, was only planning on short one…an hour or so….weeellll….about 3hrs later….lol Got to see 2 Bald Eagles right off the bat, I NEVER get tired of them. Got to hear tree frogs going nuts. Saw a Great Blue Heron that at first was standing so still I thought it was a cut out someone put there…….lol Then it moved, it was hunting so that is why it was so still….that was cool. And then got to see even more Bald Eagles. =)

We really need to go birding together…been a while for that. The problem is the best time is very early in the morning and we do like to sleep in on our days off….doh! Of course, when we are trying to ID them from our photos we are complaining on how much we hate them because it is so hard, as we go out to see more of them….lol

I lucked out and the tide was out…..I’ve been wanting that for a while. You get this huge massive parcel of beach you rarely get. So I decided to keep going and head out to the rock that the seals were making a racket on. Of course, once I got there, they quieted down and just laid there……rolling eyes. Plus lost my new camera brush…I seem to be good at losing things when I don’t have a jacket with pockets on….ggeezz

I ended up spending that time talking to my best friend…I don’t know what I would do without her. Dealing with strangers can be exhausting, but when it comes to people you love, it energizes me….I love being there for her and knowing that she is there for me. Oh, good news, the mother-in-law and niece are leaving soon and the best part, her husband FINALLY gets what she has been trying to tell him. I’m so glad for her……once they are gone…party time…and normal family stress…..grin

Hubby has been doing 3miles runs daily again, now that he can see. So he has been feeling it in his legs and feet. I haven’t been skating, I want to get out and see critters and nature. The down side, is that it takes so much time away from what I need to be doing, but at the same time, I’m enjoying it. Maybe it’ll force me to focus more on the weekends on getting things done. The issue is that we are use to getting our exercise out the way in the am, then have the rest of the day. Well, we are getting our hours in first, not the exercise…..so we are all screwy and feel out of wack…and now we are hitting the wall sooner.

Hubby came out to meet me (his run takes about 35min, then hits the shower) and we walked back. I love it when we have long conversations. It makes me feel more connected to him and after all this time, I’m still learning something new about him and seeing how we are both changing and growing.

The first night we spent time together over 20yrs ago, we were up until 4-5am just talking…..and did that the next 3 nights. I’m barely making it to classes and work the next day, but we so enjoyed it. I don’t remember the details of what we talked about, but it was about race issues, sexism, religion, music, military, growing up, our families, issues of the day….all the deep subjects that we totally agreed on, just getting to know each other. I was totally blown away that I meet a guy from the midwest that believed the same way I did. I had meet so many racist and sexist jerks there that I wasn’t bothering with the men there….figured that I needed to travel out of the state.

We have always been people for conversation…even through IMs. We aren’t ones for loud bars, especially him….slight hearing lost due to the Navy…when we go out with friends, we want to have conversations with them….see what is going on with them in their lives….we’ve had many late nights with friends just talking.

When I asked about him not reading here, he hasn’t read here in way over a year…..maybe a couple of years. He is like if it is important I should be telling him, not posting it here and with us talking, why read it here. Which is true….for one, things should stay between us, present a united front no matter what…that is part of being couple and soul mates.

So I was in the wrong on posting a lot of our stuff out here…. A lot of it was me freaking out and trying to formulate my thoughts, needing an outlet….just the wrong outlet. Now I have a text file that I vent on to help deal with my emotions and thoughts, I talk to my best friend and decide whether to approach it or how to approach it from there. 90% of gets told to him, it is just how and when.

I have been feeling more focused lately, even if I can’t get to everything time wise….I really, really need to work on that….we have taxes and want to sell a few items we have in storage. I like having my focus back, I’ve been on such an emotional irrational roller coaster that I lost it and never had time to fully recover from our cross country trip. So I’m hoping that I can keep it….I need it to manage our lives.

Chilly and Reading

Just had a great intense sex session. Haven’t had one that long like that in since the beginning of the year. Been missing those. I love what we can do to each other. Hoping to get another one within the week, since I’m going to be broken. Which means I’m horny and wanting more….

I did get out and roller skate, the rain had stopped, it did start up again lightly. I didn’t feel like mucking around on soggy/muddy ground for a walk/hike. I feel like I should’ve been able to do more on roller skating, but my lower back was hurting. Going to need to work past that and start stopping to stretch it out…hoping for a better day on that tomorrow.

It is chilly, drizzling and I'm attempting to smile with a mouth guard in….as hubby says, being dorky….lol

It is chilly, drizzling and I’m attempting to smile with a mouth guard in….as hubby says, being dorky….lol

I have things rolling around in my head that I think I’m going to need to write out for myself privately…..just not sure how to formulate it yet.

Plus I’m in the middle of reading the latest Sue Grafton book…..so I really want to finish that tonight…I have no idea why, but I’ve really been getting into PI/mystery books.

I really need to read the Hunger Games trilogy and the Game of Thrones that I have…I know the books are better then the movies/series, but once you’ve seen them you get all worked up when you reading them and know what is coming up and you start yelling at the characters not to do that, even though you know they are going to do it anyway….rolling eyes.

I still haven’t finished the Ethical Slut….just been nice not have that emotional mess at the forefront of my mind and stressing me out and just lose myself in something other then that. Just want to keep it in the back ground a little longer and enjoy that. Plus I’m so not in the mental frame of mind to deal with it….I have avoidance issues…..lol Kind of like taxes this year…..icks…which is something I need to start….need to jump into our quickbooks account…..blah!!

I did find an article that kind of helps to frame issues that I’m feeling. Because as a swinger, sharing each other physically has never been the issue. But emotional it is extremely different for me. And this really shows the differences and what I’m dealing with myself :

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/07/sexual-affairs_n_4747121.html

Sleeping Alone

Sitting here wondering how people are able not to be in bed with their partners or able to spend so much time apart from them.

Never thought too much about it except during unexpected instances.

I discovered many years ago when my husband had to work the night shift that I can not sleep worth a damn without him at least being in the house. If he was in the other room, I could sleep, somewhat. But when I was at home, in our bed without him within our house, I couldn’t it was horrible. Even when exhausted, I keep waking up looking for him.

The only times I’ve been able to sleep without him very well is when I’m not in my own bed, not surrounded by our own things and exhausted. Like when I visit family or friends, but I always take a stuffed tiger he gave me years ago to cuddle with…wishing it was him. I need lots of distractions, even then it is tough….I end up spending lots of time on skype or the phone with him at night. Kind of like having his hand on me at night.

I so missed him when he had to travel for work. I remember when he was gone for over week, it about drove me nuts. The only thing that helped was pure work exhaustion and we spent a LOT of time on the phone, this was before computers/skype. If it wasn’t for that….I don’t know how I would’ve handled it.

I know it has always been tough on him when I visited family or when I had to travel for work. He has never done that well when I’m gone. With new technology it has helped some, skype, text and send pictures.

When it came to work travel, I’ve always tried to keep in mind of my Army upbringing and how that was part of life. But it gave me a great appreciation for how hard it was for my mom when dad was away. Especially in the 70s, when we were stationed in Germany and dad was in the states for training….long distance calls were totally outrageous. So I don’t know how they did it.

But now that we don’t have to travel apart very often for work, I don’t handle it very well…unless purely distracted. Visiting family is great distraction. But the last time he traveled for work a few years ago, I was so happy that we were on skype a lot….I don’t think I could’ve handled it otherwise.

I don’t quit get people sleeping in separate bedrooms like one set of my grandparents did. But they were practicing catholics. I guess I can see that if someone snores really bad, as long as they are in the same house together. But I love having him in bed with me….even when we arguing. Normally he’ll start out with his hand on me….and I love that. Makes me feel loved, appreciated and needed.

I just wish that cuddling was more comfortable and my body heat didn’t make us too hot. I would love to be able to sleep that way more. But necks, arms and joints don’t quit like that…..lol

I guess it takes all kinds of people to make partners, but being without him for sleeping….I’m not a good one for that at all.

My baby Drew cuddling and been held like a baby.

My baby Drew cuddling and been held like a baby.

I'm always running into something…..icks!

I’m always running into something…..icks!

Today I got a lot of work done, even got time in to get my skates out. I needed to get some exercise, I really need to get into an exercise routine. Felt good to get out, even though it was chilly. Felt good that I got my skating feet under me quicker this time around….proud of that. =) Even did some floor exercises with the exercise ball.

I’m eating more salads…partly because I brought the lettuce and tomatoes for tacos and haven’t had that yet. So not wanting that to waste. But I’m enjoying the salads more again. Usually that is more of summer or when we go to a restaurant thing.

I do need to do more. Trying to get myself to start tracking calories again, but it is so damn TEDIOUS……gggrrr I know once I start doing that again, I be back on the right track. I never be small, but I can be healthier….not doing the gym daily shows….blah

I am glad to have my boobs more full. When I lost weight, I went down to DDD/F but a bit flat looking to me when I’m on my back. They never use to be that way when I was a DDD/F. But since I went up to a H/I/J and then back down to DDD/F…..yup, a bit flat looking to me. I’m back up to a 38G/H

My very fully boobies.

My very fully boobies and belly rolls.

Just not liking my belly and thighs at much. The good thing is that hubby loves my belly. Love to grab it, put his hand on it….shows his enjoyment of it. That always makes me feel better. =)

Some of my belly rolls with my pussy hair getting thicker.

Some of my belly rolls with my pussy hair getting thicker.

Housecleaning and Self-Examination

Today we got some housecleaning done, tanks got dumped, litter/trash and then we decided with the fact that it was sunny out, we start pulling things out of the RV so we can attack everything else. Pulled out all of our throw rugs and get all things we can out to get out of the way, so we can get things wiped out down and vacuumed.

With two cats there is so much fur and then no matter what you do, you are always tracking something in. So it is a constant battle. You would think with having maybe 200 square feet that cleaning it would be easy…..hell no…you have to move everything like 3-4 times….rolling eyes.

Doesn’t help when you pinch you finger in the same spot twice…ouch! I think I may have a blood blister….hoping that it get absorbed back in.

Started to read the part about jealous in the “The Ethical Slut” last night. Didn’t get far, going to have to reread……keep getting distracted by my sister on chat and frankly, so far none of it doesn’t seemed to apply. So I need to reread it to see if anything hits for self examination.

I saw something about feeling territorial….but nothing about addressing it yet. That is one feeling that I have experienced. But that is the feeling, not the root of it. I want to find the root so I can attack the irrationality of my emotions.

I’ve experienced the “competition” feeling, which I had no reason to feel. I feel that has been resolved, because no matter who we are ever with, no one effects us like we effect each other. No one can touch that, that is just simple fact of 2 people that love each other deeply, been together for as long as we have, know each other well as we do…we know each other’s buttons. So now I’m back to our regular swinging feeling of finding it hot. That is a relief and I love being able to get back to the sexual hotness….grin

So far the only part I’ve pinpointed is that fact that is it more then sex and it is an emotional connection that he has with her. Which is something I want him to have and I encourage him to have. But I think that is what has made me feel insecure/threatened.

And that is illogical.

For one, she has been a very supportive and understanding. She is not game player, she has her own soulmate. She has been in my corner more times then I can even know.

For two, I know where we stand. Our relationship to each other is worth more then anything or anyone.

I mean seriously, when we were planning our wedding and in frustration I’m like, we don’t even have a wedding song and without missing a beat, he says “Everything I do, I do it for you” by Bryan Adams. I LOVE those lyrics. It totally symbolizes how he feels about me.

All the little notes he has written me over the years……really, I have no logical reason for those feelings.

I really think our last talk is a step in the right direction. I’ve been feeling better, more resolved and determined with myself.

Plus, I think now that I feel that I can freely express myself without it blowing up on me, it a huge help…..a major stress reliever. And that is really where most of my frustration came in the last few weeks. If you are not able to express yourself to the one you need to, it’ll drive you insane….or into meltdown, as everyone saw….lol

My goal this weekend is to try and finish the rest of that book and see if it’ll help me on self-examination and growth. And if I can, get some birding or rolling skating in if it warms up some. =)

Image

It’s Cold Out There

It has been cold here, so it is hard to get out of bed….bbrrr So we have been having a hard time rolling out of bed.

As we laid there longer then normal, I was getting wet…thinking that I was going to have to do a quickie with one of my toys. But hubby cuddled with me and then his hand moved farther down….what an awesome tease….that quickly got me going and wanting more. It was a very intense way to wake up…felt so damn good.

From last night's fucked.  Need to let my hair grow back……missing it.

From last night’s fucked. Need to let my hair grow back……missing it.

Regretting that I shaved around my pussy lips last week…. I’m going to grow it all out again. It feels more me….I want my hairy pussy back and hubby is in full agreement.

I’m wondering if part of it is that I miss my long hair so much. I lost so many inches in the desert that it almost hurts to see old pictures with my hair. I really do miss it. I haven’t cut it short in over 20yrs and it took forever to grow, so the lost of my hair length really hurts and doesn’t make me feel good at all.

I’m trying to get back into my vitamin routine. I’ve been taking my women’s one-a-day, vit-e and vit-C in the morning, but haven’t taking my 2nd dose of calcium, super-b complex, b-6 and vit-d. Which helps somewhat when hormones hit. I’m never actually sure if it does, but with as nutty as my emotions have been the last few weeks, I really should get back into it to see if helps. Trixie sent over some rhodiola rosea that I tried for a few days. Couldn’t find any when I went to the store, so going to try the all natural co-op a town over, when I get the chance and see if that helps.

Before we put everything into storage, I had scanned all the cards with personal notes that my hubby has given me over the years. When we use to give each other cards….lol Finally got them on my ipad. Hubby is not the standard romantic guy, but his little notes always gets me. We are each other’s soulmate, each other’s one true love. =)

Positives In My Life’s Drama

Current Mood:Reflective emoticon Reflective

You know in all the negative emotional freak out, the positive does get over shadowed. Even when I comment on it, the freak out on that post may be totally overwhelming that it is not seen.

Every time we think one is ok, the other’s emotions goes nuts. It is kind of both eerie and oddly reassuring that TastyTrixie and I are feeling the same way…usually at different times, kind of like a see-saw. It helps us relate and to be there for each other. Which is something that I really do appreciate.

Due to this, I wanted to point out the positives in this drama we’ve created in our lives. And maybe that will help me to get through it when it hits.

I’ve never taken my husband for granted, his love or the enjoyment we get from each other physically. But sometimes every day life makes you forgot to stop and appreciate it.

With all this happening, how I see his love for me is sharpened….more obvious. I know we’ve had some crappy miscommunication and arguments (as most couples), but on a different new level, we are getting more in synced. We are talking even more deeply then we have before.

Now physically, this is multisided….my increased horniness. For one, how much it increased has been kind of freaky and unsettling, especially to him.

Part of the increase started out had to do with feeling as if I was “competing”. So it started out on bad note, but since then, my horniness has more to do more positive different factors.

Now I notice him more physically, making sure to let him know what he does to me, how much he means to me. I’ve always done that to a point, but not as an everyday thing.

This is actually something that normally happens after we swing, because no matter who we are with and how much we enjoy them, it makes us enjoy each other more since we know each other so well. And honestly, we think it is hot when the other is fucking someone else…so we get turned on to the fact that we did that.

Now I have sex on my mind more then it used to. Everyday life normally gets in the way and tires you down from that. With TastyTrixie‘s sensuality influence, it has brought it back upfront. In some ways I’m rediscovering parts of myself that have been overwhelmed by the stress of everyday living thanks to her. Rediscovering my sensuality and needs that I’ve been too worn out to listen to.

This started out on the more negative note of the “competition” feel. But now it more like, if she enjoys it, maybe I will also trials.

This may not be much to you, but normally after sex I’m like the clean queen. I want to clean up. When it comes to cum, I do not like it sitting on my skin because I get red and rashy…and do NOT get it in my hair…it is a major bitch to get it out (so that part isn’t going to change). And I make sure I clean my pussy of cum as much as possible. Now, I get a good portion of it, but then let myself enjoy the rest of the wet, slutty feeling in my pussy, as it drips on to my thighs.

The irony is as I write this, I’m feeling his cum dripping out of me from the hard fuck he gave me 20min earlier…..grin

I’ve always enjoyed being with women, but due to her, I discovered a deeper enjoyment of another woman sexually then I’ve ever had. Right now, we have way too much other things that we need to work out with our emotions on sharing hubby. But I will not lie, that if we got to the point of having one-on-one with her, I would take it. Probably be nervous as hell, but I wouldn’t turn it down. She still invades my sexual thoughts and they don’t always include him….which for me, has never happened before.

I’m now posting more pictures and blogging more because of all this. I would like to think that is a good thing….even with the emotional melt downs…lol =)

And with all the drama of emotions, I’ve always turned to my best friend of 24yrs, but even more so now. I’ve never taken her for granted, but her listening and just letting me get it out, when she is not even able to relate to it, as made me appreciate her even more. I really treasure her and her love.

Due TastyTrixie‘s presence in my life, my appreciation for what I have has really been heighten. In life, that is a good thing and I believe that leads to better self realization and growth.

New Normal

Current Mood:Reflective emoticon Reflective

Temperatures have really dropped here, but it has been sunny. Having to make sure that we leave a faucet running so our pipes don’t freeze.

Morning Boobs

I think we both have been doing some thinking and either been lost in our thoughts or trying not to think, but not in a bad way. More like feeling things out, the new normal.

New challenges always creates change, new thinking, new self examination, new growth potential.

Felt so fricking good to be held last night, I love it when we cuddle. Even if we can’t do it too long for comfortable sleeping. I love how he holds my boob or lays his hand on my belly, that needs exercise.

Our cats weren’t too happy, they couldn’t get into normal sleeping positions…..lol

After not having any for over a week….we had some very intense awesome connecting love making. No one makes me feel like he does.

We are now watching “Sin City”. I’ve never seen it…..this is weird. But I love what Frank Miller did for Batman.

I got these a few months ago, been meaning to take a picture of them.

I got these purple suspenders a few months ago, been meaning to take a picture of them.

The purple suspender picture was inspired by hubby’s gf TastyTrixie

Beautiful Weather, So-So The Rest

**Much of it moved to private

As you can see, my blog has been changed. I haven’t found any solution to fix the comment form on the Atahualpa word press theme. And I highly recommend that you do not use it unless you know what you are doing. If you have an adult site, they sure in the hell don’t offer any support…fuck them!!

I found a workable theme and I actually like it much better. It was time for a change and it has a more clean look. And the comment form actually shows up!! One positive for the day and I’ll take what I can. =)

Being blinded some by the sun, but it was so beautiful

Being blinded some by the sun, but it was so beautiful

Beautiful day in the Pacific NW

Beautiful day in the Pacific NW

It was a beautiful day and I was going for a walk regardless, because I had to get out. He decided to come with.

The only talk we did was very far in between and about what we were seeing. .  I’m just acting like it is normal.

Well, at least I get a break in that next week…she is not going to ask to see him next week. Which is a very good thing.

We haven’t had anytime to recover or talk since our disagreement 2 weeks ago. After the what I’ve been going through the last two weeks, I need a break.

A little bit about a woman going through their cycle….it is hell at times. You can get totally cramped over, your pussy is sensitive and not in a good way, it hurts sometimes, then your hormones….well, they aren’t pretty as you have seen from some of my meltdowns.  Hell…during yesterday’s, I screamed, yelled, threw things, even my office chair and punched the hell out of out rv chairs wishing it was a person I was hitting….total meltdown.

Now you’ve seen the anger, frustration and all that….well, on the noncrappy days you can be fucking horny as hell.

By the time my cycle is over, no matter how many times I’ve used a toy in the shower or a wand on my clit through my panties, I want some sex. Because I sure haven’t been getting any.

Hell, I lost my virginity on one of the heavy days of my cycle. There was a mess everywhere, but that didn’t stop that guy, even orally. I still don’t know what to think of it today, but it did help, I didn’t feel any pain on losing my virginity.

So at least I’m getting some sort of break next week. Don’t know if it is going to help, I’m still pretty hormonal and I don’t know if anything is going to be resolved between us, but it is so badly needed.

A Bit Better

Today was getting better, a bit more normal. We actually got sleep, but we both felt like crawling back into bed all day.

My body is hating me…and I’m hating it right back, the only time I hate the female parts. And this isn’t even the worst..just feel icky.

We more then got our hours in this week with project we were working on, took it easy today and will be taking it easy tomorrow.

We decided to try the Mexican restaurant here in town today for lunch. I went and picked it up so we can chill out at home. We prefer to eat at home when we can instead of waiting in restaurants much unless chilling with friends. It was very good…been a while since we had good Mexican food.

Hubby did see our first salamander here on the road. He was so cold, he wasn’t moving. So he picked it up and moved it safely into the woods…..not even a 100 yds later, found another one. Hubby saved two salamanders today. =)

Our first salamander that hubby saved from the road.

Our first salamander that hubby saved from the road.

I’ve been slowly getting work done today. Really need to attack company and client books tomorrow.

For the last 2hrs, been working on my blog trying to fix the comment form. I do have to say this if you have issues with Atahualpa wp theme & an adult site, do NOT expect help from forum.bytesforall.com That is so messed up and closed minded.

So I’ve posted on another form addressing it as a wordpress issue. Sounds like I’m not the first person that has had this issue. But the posts are over 3yrs old, so need to see if there is a different solution with this version of wordpress……the search for a solution goes on.

Weekend Where Are You?!?

Still not sure what I’m doing with my blog here to get the comments fixed. I found a theme that looked like it would work, but so far I wasn’t able to make my header work and the new wordpress has been a bitch for personalizing things….totally ticked by that. Hopefully I’ll have time later this week…finally, to work on it.

I just found a board about the theme I used, so I’m posting my question there. I’ve always liked this layout and really don’t want to have to find another. They are currently suggesting a plugin issue….lovely…I have way too many of those, I know..icks

It has been a long week. Got through my personal test Monday with help of my best friend and her sister. I still wasn’t doing as good as I hoped, but I think I know why….I’m due to start my cycle any day now and I’m so, so irritable that my mean temper from my mom’s dad’s side wants to come out.

Oh yes, on top of not sleeping….I had to catch a mouse last night, then we knew we had another one a few hours later, but couldn’t get it…..well, I caught it this morning……just totally lovely……NOT! Now we have to worry about wire damage….blah.

I work up in a fighting mood this morning…I just want to lash out and hurt people.

But did my best to restrain myself and act somewhat normal. Acting normal is like laughter, after a while it becomes normal and your emotions may chill the fuck out. That has helped.

I did get one laugh first thing this morning, the pair of pants that I just had patched up on the other side ripped out! I’m like, why the hell am I feeling a breeze on my ass…I was out in public…at least no one was around to see it. I’m like this is so not cool. I’m not getting them fixed again….into the trash they went….rolling eyes…thinking I need to start counting my calories again…..it is just tiring to do….I know lazy…

Ripped out the other side….gggeezz

Ripped out the other side….gggeezz

Finally got our project done, just currently answering questions through email about it. That is load of stress done.

Not doing much around here project wise for the next 2 days…we did our time this week.

Right now, just chilling and really hoping for a better day and progress tomorrow.

Out & about working on projects and having fun in a gator while I'm at it….nothing like blasting through some puddle….lol

Out & about working on projects and having fun in a gator while I’m at it….nothing like blasting through some puddle….lol

Nice Way To Wake Up

Current Mood:Alarmed emoticon Alarmed

Thoroughly woke up in the best way….my pussy had been getting wet for hours. I could’ve gotten out of bed hours early, but loved snuggling with hubby, waiting and hoping for that beautifully hard morning wood. In the end I couldn’t wait for him to make his move, I put my hand on hubby’s quickly hardening cock….It look and felt so hard that it looked almost painful….I just had to have a taste of it this morning.

When I climbed on top of him…that sound of pleasure he made when he slide in to my very wet and waiting pussy…it was so fucking hot. I just thoroughly enjoyed riding him, working his cock and feeling like such a slut for wanting his cock even more.

Felt so fucking good…..I had just finger fucked myself to cumming the night before thinking of it…..mmm

Finally been able to start reading “The Ethical Slut” Kind of cool that some of my guesses for working things out are reenforced. =) Tells me that I’m on the right track.

Like needing to know your partner’s lover, getting any and all small real/imagined issues out for emotional validation, need to start to ask for reassurance and support, instead of expecting them to read what you need and then end up resenting them when they don’t, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION……addressing jealousy and insecurity I haven’t gotten to yet….almost jumped to it, but there is a reason they wrote the book the way they did. So I’m sticking with that.

I may be having my first test tomorrow evening. I’m both dreading it (afraid of the negative feelings overwhelming me) and looking forward to as test for myself. Even if there is small reduction in my crazy, I’m going to be so damn happy. But I’m feeling pretty good about it right now, now fingers cross, I keep feeling that way….grin

I’ll be reading my notes of encouragement that I’ve gotten from Trixie and my past notes of love from hubby. Also going to get more reading in on the book tonight, so hopefully that will be helpful.

I do like that between what I’ve been reading and with Trixie’s validating my feelings that I don’t feel alone or crazy. And that is big step in the right direction.

And I feel like I’ve been useful between the 2 of them this week. I like being able to do that…I’m sucker for helping…lol

Small Improvements

Current Mood:Beautiful Day emoticon Beautiful Day

Another day that started out with very thick fog that didn’t burn off until after 12pm, but when it did it became a stunning day here in Washington. Clear blue skies, mountains in the background with the inlets/sounds in the foreground. It was a great day to get out.

Got to see one of the stunning bald eagles we have around here. I never get tired of them.

This was taken with my iphone, which doesn't do any so of justice to the majesty of the Bald Eagle

This was taken with my iphone, which doesn’t do any so of justice to the majesty of the Bald Eagle

I got out and started in on the project we have, thinking I finally have a game plan and hoping to start earlier and work longer on it tomorrow, so I can make a good dent in it.

Before I started in on it, I got out what I need to say. The sucky thing about it is that I’ve been going over it in my head for the last few days, it kept me up and I think I have it all figured out what I’m going to say and when I go and do it…..BANG! It doesn’t happen, I stumble through it horribly. I know that I got the main points that needed to be made, but my presentation sucked….rolling eyes. Not sure if it’ll be effective, only time will tell, but I made my effort.

I just hope in the long run that it helps everyone involved and we can go on from here.

Now the crappy thing is that my cycle is suppose to start by the end of next week….so that means my emotions are going to be all over the place and even more importantly, no sex….not that I’ve had any in about a week due to everything going on. But I’m so grateful for very helpful toys in the shower…..

I do have to say that it is hard to throughly enjoy myself when I have to worry about running out of hot water with a 10gal water heater…. I find I have to work harder to get off quicker…..lol

Now I’m going to finally take time and start into the book that TastyTrixie & her wife Delia gave us : “The Ethical Slut” while chilling out to Beyonce & Rihanna and having some Bailey’s Irish Cream.