A fellow webmaster has started a new board for politics.  He would love for it to be a a good blend of all sides…………doesnt want it to be an all red or an all blue board.  So if you would like to debate the issues of the day in an adult manner, without the narrow minded hatred check it out : DC Junkies

Today was ok at work. I always feel as if I’m walking on egg shells until I get off, cuz it feels as if I’m going to get called into the principle’s office. =(

I’m able to tolerate work when there are no confrontations & accusations.
All I want to do is go in and do my job and go home. I like my job, just not some of the issues that have been coming up & it is taking it’s toll. Where I no longer want to do anything related to work on my own time. I use to bring things home to work on, well I quite doing that at the beginning of May when I felt my caring wasn’t appreciated. And then when family came down, I just didn’t have the time.

We don’t have kids by choice, but when I get my mothering instinct going I’ve always taken it out at work, on my job and the folks I work with after I’ve driven Torn nuts with my pestering. But my uneasiness at work has forced me take stock of my priorities in my life at this conjunction. I have way too much that I need to do at home. I have letters to write to my family, I have work that I need to do with Torn, & there are things that I’m debating on learning so I can help. Not sure if it would be something that I would like to do. But even if I don’t do that, there is so much I would like to learn with some reading. I have a bunch of books waiting to be read and some political mags I would like to start getting, if I had time to read. It takes me about a week and half just to read my one Time mag.

I care about my job when I’m there, I have no problem staying late or coming in early, but on my own time, I want nothing to do with it any more. I have things outside of my job that are a hell lot more important in my life then this job that is for sure. The stress and aggravation isn’t worth it.

So now I just go in, do my thing and get out as soon as I can. I have until next Thursday for my next day off and that will be spent getting to Internext.

Right now we are watching “Broken Trail” it was on a few months ago and we are finally watching it. I love Robert Duvall’s westerns. But one of my favorite movies of his isn’t a western, it is “Secondhand Lions”. I guess I just love character actors.

I know, I know……….I haven’t updated in while.  I meant to update this past Sunday.  But we stayed up so late Saturday and then didn’t get much sleep, I couldn’t get my brain to focus or work.  But I have to admit, I’ve been in a fog all week.

Work wise, I’ve been just trying to go in and just do my job and not invest too much of myself anymore.  I thought I was doing fine and then I get accused of something yesterday that I haven’t done in long a while.  It came at the end of my shift and really pissed me off.

Accusing me of emailing myself work, since you are suppose to do it while at work.  Fuck!  I quit that before the kids even got here since I didn’t have time for it.  And frankly, this job isn’t worth doing it at home anymore.  I have more important things to do with my time then that shit.  Fuck them!

So I left work, just wanting to get over it and get things done on my day off and work through it so come Friday I can just go in and do my job.  But ended up dealing with other stuff after I got off of work.  =(

This is my last day off before we head to Internext week.  I’m looking forward to seeing folks that I haven’t seen in awhile, but at the same time I don’t want to go.  I just want to stay home, relax and get some work done.  I have one more personal day that I haven’t scheduled to use yet and I want to use it, but I don’t want to waste it.

We did get a bike ride in this morning, 1^st time in a long while.  I did get caught up on private messages and, of course, a blog entry.  Trying to decide if I should rework my blog design or do the receipts.  The blog design looks like it has gotten a little more difficult and I don’t know if I really have the mind to work with it today or anything else for that matter.  What I need to do is hire someone to rework my blog, since I don’t get php at all, so I may put an ad out for it once we get back from Internext.  We’ll see.

I do have a show for Sunday July 30^th @ 10am est on Sex Cam Central, so I hope to see some of you pervs there.  =)

Sorry that I canceled my show at the last minute.  I wasn’t feeling too well and decided to start the day off a little slower.

I finally got all my emails, LJ comments, & PMs caught up.  Thankfully.  It helped that the weather wasn’t cooperating, neither yesterday nor today.  =(  I wanted to spend it part of it getting some sun, swimming in between working while set up on the patio.  But no, it got overcastted and storm clouds.

We did get some swimming in the morning today.  It was sunny and hot @ 10am so if the clouds hadn’t moved in it would’ve been much hotter out then it is right now.

I did treat myself to getting a facial at the spa and getting my nails done yesterday. =)

Overall I’ve been doing ok.  I don’t know if my losing enthusiasm for work is due to certain co-workers, realization that I want more control of my life (time wise), or my hormones.

Sometimes I’m fine and then the mood swing……depression or anger.  I see my mother in me…..icks!  But I so want to stick with natural things.  It is bad enough that I have to take sinus meds to breathe some days.

Who knows……..I still need to get time to find a new doctor, but I so don’t want to go through that process.  I have a problem with having a doctor that smokes and doesn’t know what lock jaw is?

Well, since it is overcast I better start on the receipts.  If I get those done, then I can start on redesigning my blog & lj with a clear conscious.  =)

I have a show tomorrow (July 19th) on Sex Cam Central @ 10am Est.

Not feeling to well.  Woman’s stuff.  So it is canceled.

I’m hoping to be able to have a show this coming Sunday.  I should be able to go hardcore.  =)

**This was started the July 9^th.

I’m here in Indiana……..the state for fun…..not….lol The only thing I miss here is my family and Iam enjoying that.

The kids enjoyed their first plane ride and did good untilthey started getting antsy at the end, but that is normal. I was proud of them.

My mom picked us up and we went to see my sister. She hasn’t seen her kids for 7 weeks, Ihaven’t seen her in about a year and it was her 30^th.

To get to the prison we have to drive through one of the state parks. Boy, do I miss the vegetation in the northern states. The stuff in Floridais so rough and looks half dead; it is just not green enough. I miss all the actual shade trees, the soft grass, the lush greenness, the coolness. I told Torn that I can’t wait for us to move to Washington so I can have it again with my mountains. Yes, I know it rains there alot. =)

It was nice to see my sister. Being in prison has made her a reader, which is something you couldn’t pay her to do. She says she is afraid of screwing up again. We’ll see.

It didn’t take long for the kids to start running all over the yard, getting their bikes out and all the normal things that kids do when they get home. They tore up their rooms,went through the kitchen………..they were back in their element and it showed.

Found out something interesting about my nephew about him being picked on at school. He was a bully the year before. He had gotten in so much trouble that he stopped, but he did it to the point that he doesn’tstand up for himself and the teachers don’t believe him. So just like all former bullies, the kids are doing pay back. He needs to find a balance. I knew it didn’t sound right about them picking on him….didn’t make sense. He is bigger then the majority of the kids. But with that little tit-bit it all make ssense. Even though he was the bully he did let his sister get away with picking on him.

My nephew is very good at coloring with detail. Dad thinks that he may have some artistic ability and that is why he is so sensitive.

I spent Sunday just chilling out and spending time with family. I grew up with family being the most important thing. That you are always there for them and they are for you. I grew up not only hearing that but seeing the examples of sacrifice that has been done in my family.

My great-grandmother on my mom’s side was a horrible in-law to my grandmother, but my grandmother was the main care taker of her and saw her more then her own son before she died. She did it cuz she was family and you took care of them.

My mom and dad decided that my father would retire from the Army and move to Indiana to take care of my grandfathers. If it wasn’t for the fact that both mygrandfathers had strokes and needed help, my father would’ve taken the promotion and did another tour in Alaska and that is where we wanted to retire to. My grandfather on my dad’s side had lots of family to help out; on my mom’s side they needed help and almost lost everything. So my mom’s folks lived with us.

A few years later, after my grandfathers died, my uncle came to live with us since he was dieing of AIDS. So my mom took care of her brother-in-law. That is what you do with family. You take care of them. You give up some of things you’d rather do and help. There is no resentment from my folks about it; they did it out of love and what you do for family. It was part of life and you go on.

Well, I had the sex talk with my 10yr old niece (with the 6yr old there). My mom, a neighborfriend and her 13 yr old grand daughter was there. It was interesting and I don’t know how much is going to stick, be we got a start. I had gotten her a couple of books this summer to lead up to it. One was “The Keeping and Care of You”, an American Girls book and “The Period Book”. So I had start taking about the changes she was going to start on going through. For this about of the talk I got “Lets Talk About Sex” from Planned Parenthood. I think what really helped was that it had pictures so it made it much easier to explain.

I got a lot laughter when after I gave the actually names of the body parts, I then gave what most people call it……talked about caring for someone, saying no and doing what feels right for them, not some boy, condoms,safety, babies, mentioned that not all boys likes girls and not all girls like boys, masbastion and the crap that they will be told at church about some it.

Of course, we had to tell the girls that they can’t just go about talking about it at school. They can bring up questions when they get to sex ed, they can call me or they can talk to their grandmother (who was never a blushing violet about frank discussion, which was both good and embarrassing with her timing……lol)

I’m on the plane heading back to Orlando. I have a post about Indy security……..damn Gestapo. I know I’m putting it in my blog, but not sure what else. Debating on rewriting and sending it to my representatives, homeland security, FAA, the president………just to get my bitch out. I haven’t decided.

When I get to airport, I’ll be waiting for Torn’s plane toland. So I may work on some email while waiting. =)

**Added July 18^th.

I’m happy to have my life back, but I miss them. I got use to them calling my name all the time and them eager to tell me what was going on or what they learned. I think what I miss is the love that they give with the hugs. In my family, as kids, you can give and get a lot of hugs as much as you want. So you always know that you are loved.

Current Mood: contemplative

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from Chicago, another from Kentucky and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” the Chicagoan explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and I’ll hire the guy from Kentucky.”

I enjoy where in work in general.  But over the last few months it has felt that I’m been pushed out.  So I just go in and try do my job and go home.

After yesterday, I think I better update my resumne.

Family is no longer here, so you know what that means……….grin

I will have my 1st show in over a month tomorrow July 12th @ 10 est on Sex Cam Central. It will be hardcore.

I will then have a show on July 19th @ 10am est on Sex Cam Central.

This also means that I will be working on playing catch up. I know I have a ton of private & LJ messages I need to answer, not to mention my emails. It will take me a bit this week, since I work all week with weird shifts. I should have it all caught up by July 19th since I have that Tues. & Wed. off.

Keep your fingers crossed that I’ll get it done this week, so I can spend my 2 days off next week shooting pics & video….grin

Current Mood: busy

**Posted when I got home.

I’m hot……mad as hell. I just got through airport security here in Indy. WHAT MORONS!!!! They are on major power trips. I had talked to my husband a few hours ago and he went through the same thing in Ohio.

Let me start at the beginning. I’m wearing flip-flops, not enclosed shoes where I can hide anything……..they are cheap walmart ones that I got cuz I liked the color and the beads, plain and simple. Well, I know my rights and I know the rules. You do not have to take off your shoes when they are that open and don’t set off the metal detectors. But because I stood up to them and refused to remove them I had to go through a pat down and delay. You know what I don’t care. I know my rights and I’ll go through the pat down and give them more work. Hell, I’ll take off my shirt right there………I don’t care. I was making a point.

They didn’t have me take off my shoes in Orlando and those were tennis shoes, more reason to have me remove them. Plus Orlando is one that gets a hell lot more passenger and more international people then Dayton or Indy.

Well, I wasn’t exactly quiet about their power trip. In fact, I asked one of these girls “This is a power trip for you, isn’t it?” She turned away, but I can tell that she wanted to say something. I didn’t push it, but I wasn’t being quiet about it and I wanted others to see it.

I told them, I know I’m not required to take off my shoes and that is was all over the news a few months ago. They didn’t like that. I told them that I feel like I’m living in Hitler Germany. A few other passengers went by when I was gathering my stuff and said “we’re proud of you”.

I understand security, never understood why we hadn’t secure our airports before Sept. 11 like other countries do. But do not try and push me around when I know my rights in the name of security. You can thank Bush for the Gestapo state we are in…….and don’t forget 5 deferments Cheney & draft dodger Rove. Once you start removing rights and excepting their removal in the name of security, you no longer deserve to have those rights.

Those rights are the reason my grandfather served in WWII, my father did 2 tours in ‘Nam with 21yrs in the Army, my husband served in the 1^st Persian Gulf war and why my other uncles did time in the military. Thomas Jefferson is rolling over in his grave and demanding that we over throw the government right now. Jefferson believed that we should have a revolution every 20-30 yrs to keep the tyrants out. It looks like we are over due because they have taken root.

Maybe you should study history and learn what our founding fathers fought for.

**possible letter material……there fore the “you” being the subject.