Toni’s Daily Tweets

My Twitter Dilemma

Current Mood:ankthinkp My Twitter Dilemma Contemplative

Trying to decide how and what I’m going to do with my TKV twitter. Our lives are moving in a different direction. Other then this blog….

But I’m also proud of the history I have on twitter, over 27k in tweets….one of the 1st to use it. I can suspend my account and after 30days they delete everything. Now I’ve downloaded my archive of all my tweets….so I have that for shits and giggles of my history.

But if I delete my account, does it free up my Toni_KatVixen name like a phone number for someone else to grab? Well, even if I don’t use it anymore…..this is MY name and I won’t be impersonated……I’m very territorial to my name. We built it, this is who I was for so many years and I’m not going to have some wannabe take it.

Right now, I don’t need to delete it to remove my online presence and I can still update it….but I not really sure about it. If I do a tweet I think it’ll just be my posts here…..I’m so undecided.

Debating on just changing the design (no site promotion), keep it private like I have it and put up a generic picture….not really sure what I want to do and how I’m going to do it.

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Toni’s Daily Tweets

NFL & Domestic Violence

I’ve been mulling the Rice video and the NFL’s horrible response to it over the last week or so.

First, Domestic Violence is a SOCIETY issue…..not an NFL issue. NFL players are no more likely to beat their partners then the general population, it is actually less common. In fact, POLICE are the worst abusers of DV (power & the blue code of silence enables it) :

Police Have a Much Bigger Domestic Abuse Problem Than the NFL (Must Read)
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/?single_page=true

Yet, they get to keep their guns and that is how most women will die in a DV situation.

Second, I believe that Ray Rice needed to be punished, but I don’t believe in banning him where he can’t work. I don’t know if he is a serial abuser or if it was the first time something like this has happened, we won’t know. I believe he and his wife should be helped. Because when you punish him that extensively, you are punishing her.

The NFL has totally screwed up on how they have handled it in todays social media and videos, but if it happened a few years ago….they handled it like they have always handled it…look up the history for both college and NFL football programs and how DV abusers were handled. And like majority of society has handled it, the history as been to ignore it…..it is nothing new, as this article states :

“Violence is tolerated as long as the player performs well and the act doesn’t become a public embarrassment”
http://www.jconline.com/story/sports/nba/pacers/2014/09/12/domestic-violence-advocates-george-failed-realize-impact-domestic-abuse/15511281/

The NFL needs to educate their people and help them, you can’t just punish, you need both. They need to be given a chance until they blow it.

I use to volunteer at a Women’s Shelter in Indiana, did it for almost 10yrs. You learn that it isn’t as simple as “why doesn’t she leave”, you learn that it is more complex, you learn that it can effect anyone, no matter of race, gender, money or social standing. Some just hide it better then others. You think “I won’t put up with it” and then learn that it can be more gradual, more stealthy then an obvious hit.

Stories to help you understand :

#WhyIStayed Stories Reveal Why Domestic Violence Survivors Can’t ‘Just Leave’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/09/whyistayed-twitter-domestic-violence_n_5790320.html

‘Why Didn’t You Just Leave?’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

It takes an average of 7 times before a victim will leave their abusers and that is if they survive leaving them, some do not.

The emotional and mental abuse will do more damage in the long run then the physical, giving DV victims PTSD.

The pros out of this is that it may be finally shifting the conversation about DV, getting people to acknowledge it, fund the programs that need it, get help. With focusing on the NFL, a highly visible part of society, maybe it can set an example for country and perpetrators of DV that it isn’t acceptable and easily ignored like it use to be.

The cons is the focus is too much on the NFL overall, what about the Police and what about poor women and women of color (who experience DV at a higher then the general population)? Military spouses, made worst by PTSD and when I grew up on Army Posts, it was always worst on pay day due to the drinking.

I’ve seen former wives of high ranking military officers, women of high company executives and poor women a like come through the shelter. I’ve seen a little boy no more then the age of 6 yelling and screaming at his mom, calling her all sorts of names because that is what he grew up seeing. I’ve seen girls getting tied to their abuser in their teenage years and never being able to get out.

And yes, men can be and have been victims of DV, not just women.

This is complex society issue that needs to finally be addressed and not just swept aside as it has been in the past.

An Exit Action Plan For Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/leaving-an-abusive-relationship_n_5840504.html

How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/safety-after-leaving-abusive-relationship_n_5840826.html

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Social Media & The New Feminist Wave

What an age we are now living in when it comes to communication. Con wise, we seemed to have become more partisan, but there is a greater awareness of issues that didn’t seem to exist before.

Looking at it through the issues that are normally swept aside because they are considered “women” issues and not humanity issues, social media has been huge.

I love the fact that a new generation of women and discovering feminism and learning and fighting against the misconception that it is about man-hating. That ignorance about feminism as always driven me nuts….

Women who have grown up being told by their parents that they can be anything, do anything are finding that the majority of the other half of the race doesn’t believe that. That it is institutionalized. They are finding that with social media they don’t have to be forced into silencing what they have experienced (rape, sexual harassment and now domestic violence (DV)). Many things that have been swept under the rug and ignored. They are tired of the double standards, the slut shaming, blaming the victim…they are making society notice them and the social ills we have and what they face.

If you would’ve told me a few years ago that colleges will be finally forced to face the rape culture or the due to the Rice video, that society is finally facing our DV culture I would’ve said “I hope so, but don’t hold your breath”.

It does bother me when people try to pigeon hole feminism. Just because you enjoy, celebrate your sexuality doesn’t mean you can’t be a feminist. Which some argue about Beyonce or Nicki Minaj…saying they help with the objectification of women. When you are controlling your own images and not allowing it to define you, you aren’t allowing others to objectify you. You are celebrating one of the many things that makes us human…..we are intellects, sisters, mothers, professionals, daughters, wives and yes, sexual beings. We should not be forced to deny that or any other part of us.

I love that we have such a diverse group of women finally standing up and claiming their feminism. From Beyonce (which is great on getting more and more younger women to explore and learn about it), Emma Watson speaking at the UN, Taylor Swift finally realizing and claiming the feminist label and men who freely claim the label, such as Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

The term Feminist has been so twisted and misused that it gives me hope to see being finally reclaimed for what it actually means :

“the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities” (Merriam-Webster)

Toni’s Daily Tweets

New Life Chapter

Current Mood:peace New Life Chapter Reflective

Well….been a long time since I’ve posted anything. I’ve may be permanently deleting my twitter. Made it private for now because there are some accounts that I follow that I wanted to grab before deleting it.

There has been some changes going on in our lives and it just may be time to move on from this chapter of our lives.

But I am debating on whether or not to keep my blog here. Because this blog is my personal history of development and exploration of myself…emotionally, sexually and intellectually….in a lot of ways more of my pride and joy then my site ever was due to my growth. And there are things I can express here and I do not wish to express on my more family medians of my life.

Not really sure how or what I’m going to do, just know that one chapter of our lives is closing and another is opening.

Toni’s Daily Tweets

  • FYI, I'll probably be suspending this account. I have some life changes coming up 20:01:25, 2014-08-28

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Toni’s Daily Tweets

Toni’s Daily Tweets